do i have a Choice?

honestly... do i even have a choice? do i have a choice whether to say i'm okay or i'm not okay?


even if i were 10000000% not okay, i still have to BE okay. i can't put my guard down for a minute. i can't whine like a baby. i can't put my responsibilities on the shoulders of others...

and it's sad really. i like having tens and thousands of responsibilities. it is a very humbling and, at the same time, confidence-raising situation. but whenever i remember or think of the moments when i feel as if i had no support of any kind whatsoever, i die. and while i know that God is my omnipresent support in all troubles and whatnot, i still feel tired... physically. i am just human after all.

the bottom line is, i still don't know how to trust. why? it takes trust for one to rely on other people. i realized this much today. and it's sad because i'm killing myself by being afraid to trust others.

May God bless us all...



help me and keep me, O Lord. You are my only hope. You are my only refuge.
Grant me the strength to deliver and the resilience to change.
But most of all, my Lord, grant me the wisdom to know what i can do and what i cannot do.
Grant me the wisdom, O Lord, to know my limits.
thank You, blessed God and everlasting Lord, my Father...

Amen