life through Death

tomorrow is enrollment day. that basically means that school is just around the corner; and that i'm way off track.

i'm still not right with God. it's not His fault obviously. it's mine. i'm slacking. i'm slacking so much! and, honestly, taking it slow is not helping. i should really take a big LEAP. an enormous LEAP. even my dubbed "spiritual retreat" in beautiful Baguio City did not help.

i'm a failure.

argh.

dear friends,
please pray for me.

dear Lord,
please stay with me.

dear me,
please become less material and more... a WHOLE LOT more spiritual.

sigh.

bless me, God, for i have sinned

google "bless me, God, for i have sinned" including the quotation marks and you get three entries. one of them is this gorgeous piece of work by REBEL WITHOUT A CAUSE who has his/her blog here.
it's a great essay. moving although, putting my ego aside, i had to read it twice to get it processed by my puny mind.

kudos to the author! :)

Confession

“There is a luxury in self reproach. When we blame ourselves we feel that no one else has the right to blame us. It is the confession not the priest that gives us absolution.”

--Oscar Wilde, the Picture of Dorian Grey—


I often wonder whether man created God to help him cope with his own mortality, or whether God created man to lessen the boredom and loneliness of eternity.

In either case, both were disappointed.


Bless me God for I have sinned. My thoughts have strayed far beyond redemption, into a land free of the sickness of deities and the silly misconceptions of men.

Bless me for getting drunk on life’s absurdity, and trying to escape its boundaries before you struck me sober with the bitterness of reality. I have followed my faith across the borders of religion, and waded through seas of the faithless in order to find you, but you stayed out of my reach while keeping me within your tight grasp.

Bless me for using the useless little brain you have given me, and asking too many meaningless questions. I only wished to understand this world a bit better, to perceive it through the eyes of a creator, with the timeless gaze of a god, and a vision unblurred by the failures of the past or the mediocrity of the future.

Bless me God for coveting thy property. I sought Immortality, believing that the luxury of infinite time would give my mind what it takes to encapsulate such a horridly colossal concept as that of your omnipotent existence, but that was far too complex for my humble being to handle.

Forgive all of this, dear God, and let’s call this game even and end it without any further delays. After all, you’ve created me with all my imperfections, and you cannot deny me the simple pleasures of sin. Or maybe I was the one to have created you, with all your power and ruthless divinity, and thus I cannot blame you for the burdens of my random, selfish existence.

In either case, all that I've done is totally irrelevant.

Grogeous DSLR!

Sony DSLR A350

Quick AF Live View plus tilting screen for responsive, flexible shooting. Together with the 14.2-megapixel CCD let you enjoy best-of-class SLR imaging with conversational ease.

• Quick AF Live View lets you use the LCD monitor as a viewfinder, so you can frame your subjects with greater ease.
• 14.2 megapixel CCD image sensor
• Optimized BIONZ image processor
• 2.7" variable-angle, Clear Photo LCD monitor
• 9-Point Center Cross AF Sensor with Eye-Start® activation
• High sensitivity ISO 3200 setting for low-light shooting
• Super SteadyShot® Image Stabilization
• Evolved new D-Range Optimizer
• Smart Teleconverter function for 1.4x and 2x magnification with no reduction in image quality
• 1200-zone evaluative metering assures optimum exposure balance during live view shooting
• Anti-Dust Protection

HAH! New wishlist! LoL.

She's such a gorgeous SLR. I can't believe something like her exists!! XD
I especially love the pentamirror tilt system, anti-dust protections, AND the fine continuous shooting capacity. HAR.

But then she costs millions... well, not really millions. Just in my point of view. Sony retails it at P49,999 including VAT. But, last I checked, she costs ~P31,000 in the States.

And THAT's why she's on my wishlist! Cause she'll only be a dream... FOR NOW! RawR! ;)

Strength to do disinterested actions

it's been a while but i finally took the time to read my subscriptions of online devotionals c/o biblegateway.com i read two. the first's message basically is to do disinterested actions. doing good because we should. at the end of the devotional it said something like think of someone who can use your help and help that person whether or not he can pay you back. (then i thought of our helper. she really needs some help with her logic and english comprehension. but then i went, "Lord? Do I really have to? That's going to take such a long time. It's annoying. i doubt if she'll even get the things I'm going to say to her." then i continued reading my second devotional. it talked about looking to God for strength to achieve the things we normally can't. to look to friends for encouragement from God. then it hit me. i'm so stupid. who the heck am i to think that i can be, even the very least, like Jesus when i'm so selfish? when i'm so foolish? when i'm so naive? when i'm so me? it's going to degrade the words "to be like Jesus" into plain garbage. who the heck am i?

just today i acted like a complete non-Christian. how then can i tell others about Christ? i'm a complete humiliation. i know. why in the world can't i change??

Lord, please help me. I know I've been asking the same thing from You for such a long time now. And I also know that You've done Your part. Now, it's my turn. But what's so wrong with me that I'm not improving? It almost looks like I'm retrogressing! Oh, God! Please help me, Lord. Guide me, God. You're my Only Hope. You are my ONLY HOPE.

Bless me, God, for I have sinned.

Kids

I guess, I really am a kid - still. Still a kid.
A stupid, naive kid.

I have to grow up.

Fast.

I wonder what the record time for growing up is. Maybe I can run for the Guinness.

Har.

Sing for me.

take Imagination

none of these pictures are mine. :)

best of Friends

something got me thinking. what are best friends? is there a line differentiating best friends and family? who draws the line? when do you have the right to call someone your best friend? does the time come when you stop calling your best friend "best friend"? if your best friend is of the opposite sex, can he/she become your spouse as easily as if he/she were not your best friend? do matters become more complicated between best friends? how do you find one?