Strength to do disinterested actions

it's been a while but i finally took the time to read my subscriptions of online devotionals c/o biblegateway.com i read two. the first's message basically is to do disinterested actions. doing good because we should. at the end of the devotional it said something like think of someone who can use your help and help that person whether or not he can pay you back. (then i thought of our helper. she really needs some help with her logic and english comprehension. but then i went, "Lord? Do I really have to? That's going to take such a long time. It's annoying. i doubt if she'll even get the things I'm going to say to her." then i continued reading my second devotional. it talked about looking to God for strength to achieve the things we normally can't. to look to friends for encouragement from God. then it hit me. i'm so stupid. who the heck am i to think that i can be, even the very least, like Jesus when i'm so selfish? when i'm so foolish? when i'm so naive? when i'm so me? it's going to degrade the words "to be like Jesus" into plain garbage. who the heck am i?

just today i acted like a complete non-Christian. how then can i tell others about Christ? i'm a complete humiliation. i know. why in the world can't i change??

Lord, please help me. I know I've been asking the same thing from You for such a long time now. And I also know that You've done Your part. Now, it's my turn. But what's so wrong with me that I'm not improving? It almost looks like I'm retrogressing! Oh, God! Please help me, Lord. Guide me, God. You're my Only Hope. You are my ONLY HOPE.

Bless me, God, for I have sinned.