累

我已經太累了

i just Want to be left alone

Can't you just leave me alone?

Love

do i have a Choice?

honestly... do i even have a choice? do i have a choice whether to say i'm okay or i'm not okay?


even if i were 10000000% not okay, i still have to BE okay. i can't put my guard down for a minute. i can't whine like a baby. i can't put my responsibilities on the shoulders of others...

and it's sad really. i like having tens and thousands of responsibilities. it is a very humbling and, at the same time, confidence-raising situation. but whenever i remember or think of the moments when i feel as if i had no support of any kind whatsoever, i die. and while i know that God is my omnipresent support in all troubles and whatnot, i still feel tired... physically. i am just human after all.

the bottom line is, i still don't know how to trust. why? it takes trust for one to rely on other people. i realized this much today. and it's sad because i'm killing myself by being afraid to trust others.

May God bless us all...



help me and keep me, O Lord. You are my only hope. You are my only refuge.
Grant me the strength to deliver and the resilience to change.
But most of all, my Lord, grant me the wisdom to know what i can do and what i cannot do.
Grant me the wisdom, O Lord, to know my limits.
thank You, blessed God and everlasting Lord, my Father...

Amen

five kinds of People

i just realize how i too can be discriminating... i was actually just thinking of a topic for today's post and suddenly i thought of this: five kinds of people.

i basically group acquaintances into 3 categories: the positive, the neutral, and the negative. the latter two are self-explanatory. the neutral, obviously, don't have a positive or negative impact on me. and the negative have... a negative impact. (duh?)

the positive category is, however, more detailed than that. that is, there are people who:
i like talking to,
i like seeing function, and
i like being with.

among the people who fit in the positive category, the people i like talking to are most common. the people i like seeing function come second. these people are not very good to talk to, neither very nice to be with, but, looking from a far, astound me. it's like they are beautiful sculptures from a far, but, upon seeing their most detailed features, crevices, and whatnot, appall me. and, lastly and most amusing is, so far in my life, i've only had ONE person xx xxx xxxxxxxx xxx i like being with...

hah! talk about choosy.

Sick

i am

gonna

die

early.

Smiles

i miss the simple life...