wish You'd give me an A+

good evening, friends. :)

i've just received my grades from school tonight... and, honestly speaking, they're below satisfactory. but. i am thankful to my Lord and God for giving me such a grade. 1.70. He has been very faithful to me even though i easily stray from the path He has set before me. thank You thank You thank You, Lord, for granting me such a grade. i know i can do better. and so i will aim for that better. and, no, not for the satisfaction of receiving a high grade. rather, i'd like to do better so that i can have the satisfaction that i was able to give God the best that i could give. :) and so, once again, i humbly ask for Your guidance and blessings, Lord. once again. i go to You. please guide me again this second semester. :)

i did get an F though. a big bad F. not from my friends or my teachers. but rather from my parents.
i don't know if it was because of the way i told them about my grade or if what they're saying really is just the way they'd say it no matter the circumstance... but they gave me an F for my performance. it wasn't good enough.
no matter how hard i try right now, i don't see the light of day. i only see how i really could have done better. i only see how i failed. how i slacked.

and yes. i could have done better. i did fail. i did slack.

but i thank God because His Hand has been there for me to guide me and to lift me from the abyss of my life.

nonetheless, i retain the longing for my parents to one day acknowledge me... that i've got something to be proud of... anything. even if its just diligence... or patience... anything at all...
somehow, right now, i don't feel like the best thing on earth... although not necessarily the dust on the ground. :D

but i'll be better :D

Thanks again, Lord. :) Love You.
Lara

July

Examination week is this week.
Welcome to the month of July.

Heads up, people.
I last left off when it was the day before enrollment. I come back now, when it's 3 days before our first major examination.
A lot of things have happened. And I mean A LOT.

I became president of the class. WOW! And I really do not know why. It's annoying but at the same time elating. I feel blessed and at the same time pressured. Why would God give me a responsibility like this? Does it mean that He knows I can do this? Or is He just testing me? To see if I can hang on to Him when the world is saying "you can do this on your own"? But everything aside, it is really humbling. A great deal. I can't do everything. That's what's humbling. I learn to delegate. Because I'd be dead by now if I didn't know how. ;) I learn to be patient. Because I'd have given up by now if I didn't know how. I learn to be selfless. Because I'd be ousted by now if I didn't know how. I learn to serve. Because I long had killed myself if I didn't know how.

But, then, my status upgrade isn't that elating as I thought it could be.

I broke down yesterday. Not knowing what to do. Not knowing what to say. Not knowing what to feel. Maybe all the pressure got to me. Pressure from the class. Pressure from the title. Pressure from the responsibility. But most of all, pressure from me.
I couldn't do anything. Pathetic, I know. But all I could do was cry. And so I did. The tears just kept flowing down my cheeks. And God, how I prayed to You to tell me what was wrong. I was clueless. Desperate. Dying.

But I think I'm okay now. Could be better. But, hey, I'm not the president of a country. (Thank you, Lord!)

Take care, people. Don't follow my steps yet. I'm still stumbling. Please pray for me. I need to know how to watch my step. God, please bless me. :)

rice Balls!

lucckky!

i made my first rice balls today! haha. and it was so fun mind you! making them felt like playing with rice which is a very bad thing to do. BUT making rice balls is a good and FUN thing to do. :P i remember eating my first one in japan. it was scrumptious! it had some sort of filling inside. it tasted like seafood. haha. my next creation? seafood filled rice balls!

alright.

i've just finished watching the series Proposal Daisakusen or Love Operation. and, mind you, it was very touching. i've even contemplated showing it to the person in my last entry. but i'm not that evil. ;) the series is mainly about two childhood friends who, because of being close, had a hard time being honest with each other and with themselves. and yes, it is sort of a cliche-filled show. marriage. hope. change. timeslips. but its closeness to reality made it seem fun to watch. the clumsiness of men like Ken (Yamashita Tomohisa) and the admirable (for me) secretive and responsible nature of Rei (Nagasawa Masami) were outstandingly portrayed. :)

that wraps up my today's share of exhilaration. :)

good evening, friends.