Today is the last day of examinations. Today also is the last day of my life. Good-bye, world. *Takes a knife and cuts radial artery.* *Oh, wait. That's wasn't enough.* *Takes same knife and cuts carotid artery.* *That did the trick.*:'(
X.X
I just really want to die. Let everything end! Please! I can't take it anymore!
Ok, fine. Things are not all that bad. I still have blessings to thank You for. Just failing myself. The test. Blah. They're not enough to cry for. To die for. I know. I KNOW. But why...
I don't understand why this is happening. I mean, I've dedicated so much time to studying. I don't go out. I isolate myself. I study. BLOODY HELL. I hate all of this. I hate it.
I guess I'm not that gifted, huh?
Look here, Lara. The world's not all about getting good grades. Life isn't that shallow. God wants you to LIVE it, not just live through it. What you're going through right now... it's something you've brought yourself to. Life isn't not fair. You are just taking it the opposite way. I'm not telling you to take it easy. Heck, shower yourself with pressure. But you HAVE to remember and put to heart that God isn't praised by grades alone. Neither is He praised by how you get the grades. Neither is He praise when you fail. He is praised when you fall - when you fall and rise up using only His help.
*Lord, I know in this world, being 100% nice puts one in a very exploited state. and for some, being 100% nice is hard. But actually, for me, I love it. I love the feeling when I get to help people. Even if I do only trivial things for them. Even if they're forgotten the next second. And, God, I know how being lowly and loving is important to You. Holiness. Purity. And, God, I ask forgiveness of You. Because I know that I've disappointed You. In more ways than I can notice/remember/accept...*
God... please grant me peace today for I know that I am a sinner who cannot live without Your mercy. Your grace.
My son, forget not my law; but let thine heart keep my commandments:
For length of days, and long life, and peace, shall they add to thee.
Let not mercy and truth forsake thee: bind them about thy neck; write them upon the table of thine heart: So shalt thou find favour and good understanding in the sight of God and man. Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the LORD, and depart from evil. It shall be health to thy navel, and marrow to thy bones. Honour the LORD with thy substance, and with the firstfruits of all thine increase: So shall thy barns be filled with plenty, and thy presses shall burst out with new wine.
My son, despise not the chastening of the LORD; neither be weary of his correction: For whom the LORD loveth he correcteth; even as a father the son in whom he delighteth.
Happy is the man that findeth wisdom, and the man that getteth understanding. For the merchandise of it is better than the merchandise of silver, and the gain thereof than fine gold. She is more precious than rubies: and all the things thou canst desire are not to be compared unto her. Length of days is in her right hand; and in her left hand riches and honour. Her ways are ways of pleasantness, and all her paths are peace. She is a tree of life to them that lay hold upon her: and happy is every one that retaineth her. The LORD by wisdom hath founded the earth; by understanding hath he established the heavens. By his knowledge the depths are broken up, and the clouds drop down the dew. My son, let not them depart from thine eyes: keep sound wisdom and discretion: So shall they be life unto thy soul, and grace to thy neck. Then shalt thou walk in thy way safely, and thy foot shall not stumble. When thou liest down, thou shalt not be afraid: yea, thou shalt lie down, and thy sleep shall be sweet.
Be not afraid of sudden fear, neither of the desolation of the wicked, when it cometh. For the LORD shall be thy confidence, and shall keep thy foot from being taken. Withhold not good from them to whom it is due, when it is in the power of thine hand to do it. Say not unto thy neighbour, Go, and come again, and to morrow I will give; when thou hast it by thee. Devise not evil against thy neighbour, seeing he dwelleth securely by thee. Strive not with a man without cause, if he have done thee no harm. Envy thou not the oppressor, and choose none of his ways. For the froward is abomination to the LORD: but his secret is with the righteous. The curse of the LORD is in the house of the wicked: but he blesseth the habitation of the just. Surely he scorneth the scorners: but he giveth grace unto the lowly. The wise shall inherit glory: but shame shall be the promotion of fools.
Proverbs 3
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